Memories . . .

I never cry, but here I am;

Sitting . . .
Surprised . . .
tears filling my eyes,
threatening to spill down my cheeks.

Why?

A small crop-duster plane just flew by outside my window. 

That's weird, you say!
Why would an airplane cause someone to cry?

In grief and loss, we never know when something -
     a sound
     a smell
     a picture
     or anything - will trigger a memory. 

It just suddenly overwhelms and engulfs us with deep sadness,

unannounced,

unpredictably,
rudely
with no warning. 

And  - I was immediately overwhelmed with a deep sadness,

. . . . then all these memories started to flow over me. 

LOTS of bittersweet memories.

Bitter, because he died.
Sweet, because he lived. 

the other side of Mother's & Father's Day

Mother's & Father's Day is a day of:  struggle,  remorse, and grief for :

• the parent who has lost a child, whether by miscarriage, as a young child or as an adult.  
• the person who wanted to be a mother or father, but could not;  
• the parent  who feels they should have been a better parent;
• the parent whose child is in jail or prison;
• the parent who is estranged from their children;
• the person who gave up her child and wonders where that child is today.
• the woman who aborted her child and wonders how they would look today.
• any person who has lost their loving mother or father. 
• any person who had an emotionally detached or abusive mother and/or father. 

For my husband and I, Mother's Day & Father's Day have been a bittersweet day.
For almost 26 years. 

Why Mother's Day?  Why Father's Day?