Friday, August 21, 2009

The Glass Window - in the wee hours of today.

A glass window stands before us.  We raise our eyes and see the glass; we note its quality, and observe its defects; we speculate on its composition.  Or . . . we look straight through it onto the great prospect of land and sea and the sky beyond.”  Benjamin B Warfield. 

The above phrase suddenly leaped off the web page a few moments ago?  Out of all the pages boringly scrolling by, why this statement? 

Vaguely, as if through a fog, thoughts begin to form.  But what?   Suddenly it hits me.   I remembered the wee hours of today.   

Something that had already receded from my memory . . . . had I not just stumbled across those words by Benjamin Warfield.   

The window?  It’s the reference to the glass window?  Yes!  I remember now.  Thank you Lord, for your reminder. 

The phone!  It’s ringing.  I hear myself crying out loud, “Oh no!  Oh no!”.  I’m sitting straight up in bed, in terror, fumbling in the dark for the phone before I even know I’m awake. 

My parents!  One of them is dead.  Surely it’s not Tammy  - she’s healthy . . . . . . . unless she threw a clot to her lung.  Please no, God, I can’t handle anything more right now.  Please, God! 


God? ? ?

Finding the receiver, “Hello ? ? ?”, as the rest of the phone slams to the floor.   Hmmmmm!   Franticly I scream louder, “HELLO!!!”   Hmmmmmmm!  A dial tone?  No one?  Does someone need me and the connection’s accidently broken? 

My heart is racing, pounding against my rib cage.  The caller ID?   Yes, check the caller ID.  Nothing?  What do I do?  What do I do?  Should I call my parents?  Tammy?  WHY is nothing showing on the caller ID?  Please God, help me!  Trust Me, Janet! 

Thoughts, fears, bewilderment flying in every direction.  My eyes flit about the room.   
The window!   I blink trying to clear the blurriness from my eyes. 


A frog?    Yes, a frog!    On MY window?    Why?     A little frog on the outside of my window!    On the glass.     In the middle of the night?  Yes!   A real live frog !!   Just calmly resting.   Resting.  Oh – if I could just rest like that, GodI’ll give you rest, Janet.  Come to me, I’ll give you rest, Janet. 

He shifts a little, his head down.  Moves again – his head is up.  Can he see me in here?  What IS he doing there?  Slowly calmly he stirs about on the glass – the window – until he disappears. 

Suddenly, I know!!   I know why he’s there.  I’m soaring.  I’m smiling.   I collect frogs.  I get it!

God has sent a message especially to ME.  Especially FOR me.  A frog. 
Frogs on my desk at work. 
My desk at home. 
The refrigerator. 
File cabinets.
Frogs all over the place . . . as reminders

Why?  Oh how I hate to admit this . . . . . .   but,  I KNOW I’ll forget.  

In the middle of my fears, my disappointments, my job, my life, my pain, and even my joys, I forget how much God has helped me.  How awesome he is.  How many times his presence has surrounded and soothed me.  How he seems to always provide when I think he’s forgotten.  How he has sent people into my life at just the right time.  Sometimes, at just the right moment.  Over and over and over. 

Father,  Oh Father. . . . . I’m no better than those whiny complaining forgetful ungrateful children of Israel who forgot their miraculous deliverance from Egypt.  They wandered for 40 years, Lord, because of their fears.  Oh – how it feels that I’ve been wandering for 40 years. 

Fully Rely On God !  Fully rely on God!  FROG!  God has sent a message.  God knows ME perfectly.  I’m visual.  I need a symbol.  Something to see.  Something tangible.  A reminder. 

Rely on me. Janet  
That’s - FULLY rely, Janet
I’m here, Janet. 
You’re not alone, Janet. 
I’ve redeemed you, Janet. 
I know you, Janet.
You are mine, Janet. 
Don’t fear, Janet. 

Unhurriedly clicking through the caller ID again.  There it is!  Los Angeles, CA?  Who lives in Los Angeles?!?  The city of angels?  Lord,  do I know anyone who lives in Los Angeles Janet, Janet – I’m here!  .  No . . . . .  I don’t know anyone in Los Angeles

Thank you God.  For my frog.  For sending ‘your’ frog.  For knowing me and knowing what I need when I need it and how I need it.  For remembering that I’m but dust and so need you. 

Lord, . . . . . when I get the frog reminder down, when I start remembering – even if I had to put a frog everywhere -  can we move on to eagles?   Step out, Janet.  Rely fully on me.  Remember I’ve promised that I will renew your strength as of the wings of eagles.

Lord, I want to soar.  I want to fly into the wind instead of fleeing from it.  I want to feel the wind in my face, blowing my hair, the exhilaration that I felt in the wee hours of today.  I want the pain and fear and uneasiness to help me rise.  Rise above the fray and become strong in you.  I’m ahead of you clearing the way, Janet.  I’ll go with you, Janet.  Ahead of you, with you, behind you, my mighty right hand on your head, Janet.  You are mine, Janet.  Did you know that I knew your name before you were born? 

So - here I sit,  contemplating.  Pondering. 

Those words that jumped from the page earlier.  Coincidence?  Chance?  No - this is not happenstance.  This is from God. 

He sent another reminder.  I so easily forget that he needed to send another reminder. 

Satan wanted me to forget.   Forget God’s overwhelming loving calming presence that I felt in the wee hours of today.   

Satan wanted me to be deprived of feeling God’s overwhelming presence in the waning hours of today.    

Another reminder telling me that God is who he said he was.  My redeemer.  My counselor.  My comforter.  My Savior.  My rescuer.  My fortress.  My protector.  My strength. 

And, yes . . . . . . . . My reminder. 

But Lord, . . . . am I looking through the window to the prospects outside in the yard, sea, and sky or am I looking at the quality and defects of the window?   Do I stay or go?  Hand me your burden, Janet.  Did you know I bled and died for that burden, Janet?  Yes, Lord.  I know you died so I could be free.  Free of sin.  Free of fear.  Free.  Free as an eagle in flight. 

Help me let loose, Lord.  Open my hand.  My fist is so tightly grasping the fear.  It’s killing me.  All kinds of fears and loneliness.  My parents, my daughter, my son-in-law,  my husband, my job, my outdoors, my road, my homesickness for my parents, daughter, and son.   Oh – so much homesickness for my son.  Could I just hear him laugh one more time, Lord.  Is that even possible?  Isn’t everything possible with you, Lord?  He would be 40 years old in a few days, Lord.  I need peace.  I need relief.  I am at the end of myself!   Take the burden of fear and loneliness and homesickness.

But God, . . . . . .  you know me.  You know I’ll forget.  You know I’ll try to take it back and clutch it like an old worn coat.  Lean on me, Janet.  I will never leave you nor forsake you.  Through me all things are possible, Janet.  Don’t fear, Janet, I’m already there in tomorrow waiting for you!  Clearing the way!  Preparing for you!  Step out.  Reach out your hand.  Here - put it in mine!

So . . . without the above phrase “A glass window stands before us”, I would have forgotten the miraculous silent reminder that my God placed on my glass window in the wee hours of today. 

How can I ever praise my God enough for all he has done for me.  For His presence.  For His faithfulness.  Especially His patience. 

You know, I’m going to start lifting my eyes to the hills, to my God, from where my strength comes.  Maybe I’ll see an eagle or two while I’m gazing upward. 

Soon I’ll be flying.  Just wait and see.  My God is able. 

My God CAN be trusted!!  Did you know my God can be trusted? 

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