Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Blue Birds in December ? ?

There were at least three blue birds outside my window this afternoon ! !

Not Blue Jays - Blue Birds !!

Calmly eating berries - that I hadn't gotten around to removing this fall.

Don't they know it's winter?
Aren't they supposed to go south?                                   

I'm shocked.  I'm excited !
I've not seen blue birds in my yard before,
let alone in December.

Oh - I know what's going on,
maybe these are blue birds that see everything in 'black and white' -
like, maybe they are very literal in their thinking.

After all - winter doesn't officially arrive until December 21st.  Right?

Monday, November 30, 2009

Portraits of my family

Thanksgiving 2009 - Gerry, NY

Every Thanksgiving my brother, sister, my husband & I head to our parent's home in Gerry, NY. 

For Thanksgiving 2009 all my parents' children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren were there.  Along with some of my parents siblings and their children. 

It was awesome! !

We are beginning to have a few empty places at the table now. 
We said "it's so wonderful that EVERYONE is here this year!"

and at the same time we are all thinking, 
"NO! Everyone is NOT here!"  

Family gatherings usually have that tinge of the bitter-sweet. 

My brother is missing his wife. 
His children are missing their mother. 
My sister is missing Frank and
her children are missing their father. 
Heather is missing her Dad and her grandfather. 
I am missing my 16 y/o son.  
My daughter is missing her brother. 
My mother even tried to rescue a slice of stuffed pepper for Uncle Harold,
Then it hits her.  She stands there with a blank look on her face holding the plate. 

Friday, November 13, 2009

Life - What a Treasure!

Four (4) years ago tonight, I was given a gift
My husband!

No – it wasn’t my wedding.
We’d been married 38 years.

So - how could I possibly be given something I already had?

Well . . sometimes we do not know we have
something, until it is taken away -
or, thankfully, 'almost' taken away.

My strong energetic husband
was unwillingly & unwittingly
plunged into a fight for his very life.


4 years ago tonight he was on a ventilator!
In surgery into the early morning hours,
as an awesome trauma team fought to save his life.
Fought to put him back together.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Bloomin' Vinca

My pretty evergreen ground cover, Vinca (or myrtle) - has some beautiful purple flowers on it today.

What's the deal? Is there something I haven't been told?
Did I miss something?

Like - did I sleep through winter and spring is here?!?
Woo Hoo!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Veteran's Day

Today I think of my 88 y/o Dad.

Corporal Charles E Beckwith.

57mm Anti-tank gunner;
405th Anti-tank Company;
102nd Infantry Division (the Ozarks);
serving in the 9th Army during WWII.

On September 11, 1944, his unit, 'The Ozarks' left quietly in the night, around midnight. Gliding silently and in 'black-out' conditions - past the Statute of Liberty and out of the NY Harbor to begin the journey across the Atlantic.

A convoy of forty-six ships of all types zig-zagged across the Atlantic. Escorted by the Navy to help protect against German submarines, which were sighted at one point on the 12 day trip to Cherbourg, France.

My Dad endured weeks & months of rain, snow, artillary, forests, hedgerows, more artillary, more rain, floods, and battle after battle after battle.

From France, into Belgium, and across Germany.

Crossing the flooding Roer, the Rhine, and on to the Elbe.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Fall 2009 - Sabotaged?

As I said about 3 weeks ago,
I love Fall !
The leaves turning colors
The crunching sound they make under my feet.
The burgundy and rust colored plumes of the
tall prairie grasses waving in the breezes.
The cold mornings
The sunny days
The birds gathering into flocks; instinctively
being drawn south.
The pelicans resting on Milford Lake; gathering strength
for the remainder of their journey to the Gulf.

The squirrels frantically furiously gathering black walnuts
in the yard; precariously dodging the dogs
in anticipation of the coming barrenness.

For some strange reason, these squirrels have reminded me of a quote by Malcolm Hancock. I don't know why, but it just came to me as I was sitting here typing; "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention."

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Fall - My favorite time of year

The leaves are rustling
The milo is its beautiful rusty red
The soybeans have lost their leaves and
are hanging there patiently awaiting harvest.
There's a nip in the air
A skip in my step
A scattering of fog rising from the ponds in the mornings

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Day(s) that changed my life forever.

 Last week I read a blog from a lady who had just been diagnosed with diabetes. 
She titled her entry: "The Day My Life Changed".   She then went on to describe (complain) how much her life was going to change - the diet, the lifestle, the constant monitoring of her blood sugar, etc, etc. 

It made me STOP!  I mean . . . is diabetes the WORST that could happen? 
Really now! 
Wasn't  she being a little melodramatic here?

After thinking about it for awhile I decided
No . . . it isn't and she wasn't

She made me realize that all of us face joy, disappointments, sorrow, obstacles,
and victories that "change our lives forever". 

More importantly, I realized it happens often throughout our lives.

Maybe even daily!
Think about it. 

We all have traveled a road we did not ask for.
Our lives have zigged when we thought it should have zagged. 
Or maybe it even zigged when we wanted it to zig. 


40 years ago TODAY at about 4:30 pm my life was changed forever!!

I became a mother!! 

A precious beautiful son entered my life.
You've never seen such a cute baby - ever! 
Well . . . . except for my daughter.
And I'm not even the prejudicial kind.
Not one iota!

Monday, August 31, 2009

My adventure today.

E-mail sent to my parents & siblings:  Monday, August 31, 2009   12:42 PM
Janet Macy

I took a couple vacation days (Friday and Monday) to be able to go to Beth Moore event and then to work on an attempt to go outside without experiencing a panic attack.  Or actually – literally - to just to go outside alone and survive.

Armed with inspiration from the Beth Moore simulcast, which was based on Psalms 37: 1-7.  I claimed verse “3 Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.”  Safe pasture had nothing to do with the focus of the event but I needed safe pasture. 

The focus was – “Trust in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart”.  The desire of my heart was to feel safe again.  To look fear in the eye and triumph. 

Friday, August 21, 2009

The Glass Window - in the wee hours of today.

A glass window stands before us.  We raise our eyes and see the glass; we note its quality, and observe its defects; we speculate on its composition.  Or . . . we look straight through it onto the great prospect of land and sea and the sky beyond.”  Benjamin B Warfield. 

The above phrase suddenly leaped off the web page a few moments ago?  Out of all the pages boringly scrolling by, why this statement? 

Vaguely, as if through a fog, thoughts begin to form.  But what?   Suddenly it hits me.   I remembered the wee hours of today.   

Something that had already receded from my memory . . . . had I not just stumbled across those words by Benjamin Warfield.   

The window?  It’s the reference to the glass window?  Yes!  I remember now.  Thank you Lord, for your reminder. 

The phone!  It’s ringing.  I hear myself crying out loud, “Oh no!  Oh no!”.  I’m sitting straight up in bed, in terror, fumbling in the dark for the phone before I even know I’m awake. 

My parents!  One of them is dead.  Surely it’s not Tammy  - she’s healthy . . . . . . . unless she threw a clot to her lung.  Please no, God, I can’t handle anything more right now.  Please, God! 

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Fear Exposed

I discovered something rather pathetic about myself today. 
I’m afraid to go outside the house unless Marvin, Jeremy, or someone I know is out there.  I’m even afraid to be next to the house mowing the yard because I can not hear any vehicles coming down the road from either way. 
I’m a prisoner in my own house!
And . . . . . . I don’t even like my house.
I’m trapped and I can’t get out!