Sunday, June 19, 2011

the other side of Mother's & Father's Day

Mother's & Father's Day is a day of:  struggle,  remorse, and grief for :
  • the parent who has lost a child, whether by miscarriage, as a young child or as an adult.  
  • the person who wanted to be a mother or father, but could not;  
  • the parent  who feels they should have been a better parent;
  • the parent whose child is in jail or prison;
  • the parent who is estranged from their children;
  • the person who gave up her child and wonders where that child is today.
  • the woman who aborted her child and wonders how they would look today.
  • any person who has lost their loving mother or father. 
  • any person who had an emotionally detached or abusive mother and/or father. 

For my husband and I, Mother's Day & Father's Day have been a bittersweet day.
For almost 26 years. 

Why Mother's Day?  Why Father's Day? 

Yes, I know it's a day to celebrate our mothers & fathers. 

Yes!   I have the best mother & father in the entire world.
They both are still living and still my heros.
Not only that - they are my biggest fans.
My encourager and cheerleaders.

So - what's the problem? 
I have the best of the best.
the creme de la creme!

The problem is "ME"
I'm only part of a mother.
Actually I feel like I'm only 1/2 a mother.
I had two children. 
One is alive and has just made me a grandmother.
My first Mother's Day as a grandmother!

My other child died at 16 y/o.

Since my son died -almost 26 years ago,- I've not felt whole.
A part of me is missing.
A part will always be missing.
It's impossible to have someone within our bodies or lives and then try to forget them.

Trying to forget is as easy as trying to remember something that never happened

Mother's Day always reminds me of that missing part. 

I know; I know!
I should be grateful for what I have and not be thinking about what I have not.
Usually I am grateful for what I have.

But somehow - Mother's Day just sneaks up on me and slaps me in the face.

On Mother's & Father's Day remember your mother & father.
The fun and good times.

Just don't forget all those mothers & fathers out there who have lost their child and children;
Who feel they may have failed;
Who have craved motherhood & fatherhood, but have been denied;
Who have lost their loving parents. 

They are struggling today.
Thousands are struggling today.
I'm not alone.
I know about this.

We've just all been keeping silent
For way too long.
. . . . . . . .


  1. I've decided that both Mother's Day and Father's Day are cruel pranks created by Hallmark. I can check off five on your list.

  2. maybe not my words but my feelings exactly. someone who should be here is gone and after a while it seems like you are the only one who notices.