Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Come . . . take a walk with me.

You are going on a walk with me today! 

What??    Sure you can! 
You don't even have to get off the couch or out of your chair.

Just sit back and enjoy.
I'm excited about this walk

You see . . . . . I'm going to walk down my road for the first time in 5 years

I've been so overwhelmed & consumed by fear since my husband was stabbed by a
poacher (not far from my yard) that I have not been out. 

I've become a recluse.
Trapped in my own house when I'm not at work.

Strange, especially since I'm a lover of nature.
Birdwatching, wildflowers, flower beds, butterflies, trees, clouds, frogs, toads,
the stars are some of my favorite things. 

I'm kind of anxious.
I hope I don't have a panic attack.
I have not even told my husband that I'm going to do this TODAY.
Not sure why.  Maybe for fear I'd back out and have to explain. 

Last night the idea suddenly came to me to take my camera along
and narrate my journey for my family and friends. 
That way I would not FEEL like I was out there walking ALONE.
I'd have all of you with me.  
I believe that was a God idea.

TODAY is the day!
It's my day off
The temperature is 75 degrees
Sun is shining
It's my kind of day . . . .
Well it used to be my kind of day before November 13, 2005

I was able to go out into my own yard and down to the road for the
first time on Monday, August 31, 2009.
Wow!  That's a year ago. 

Yeah!  It's time for the next 'step' in my journey.

My goal is to walk about 3/4 of a mile down the road to the place
where Marvin was stabbed. 
Stand there and thank God for my husband.  For the miracles of that dreadful night. 

I want to be free of the fear of that place TODAY!

I'm standing on the back door step.  This is where I now park my car.  Right outside the back door.  Didn't figure anything could get me in the few steps between the back door and the car.  When I said I got in the car > went to work > came back home > and started all over again - that's the truth.   I had shrunk my world down to just a few feet.

Standing at the back of the car and looking down my driveway toward the road. 

Almost at the end of the driveway looking back towards the car.

End of the driveway.  Wow!  Look at these -beautiful soybeans.  Looking good!

Another view up the driveway taken from the road.  These 4 (or is it 5) trucks were in the drive when the previous picture was taken.  They were further up the drive and a little to the south.  We really do have a long driveway.  

Proof that I AM really taking this walk.  This is the gravel/rock road that I have to walk on.  You can see why it might not always be easy on the knees

Looking down the road North.  The blue stock trailer is about 1/4 of a mile away.  I'm going to walk past that stock-trailer and over that hill
Well . . . . What have we here?  Just sitting here in plain sight!

LOOK!!  The first sunflowers I've seen this year.  I didn't know they were ready to bloom.  How beautiful!  These are "kansas sunflowers".  In a week or so every ditch, fence line, waterway and many fields will be covered with these beautiful tall lanky flowers.  I had no idea they would be out here today.  I've not seen any anywhere else.  Maybe God put them here for me today. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                      Oops!  Where's that Marvin.  He obviously hasn't been paying attention.                  NOXIOUS WEED ALERT ! !

                                                                                                                                                               I've just passed that blue stock trailer and I'm rounding the top of that "HUGE" hill.  1/2 mile ahead where you can see the shadow across the road is where Marvin was stabbed.  We have quite aways to go yet.  We go down the hill and through an intersection before we get to that area. 

                                                              Ohhhhhh!  What's this?   Elderberries?  Who knew?
                                                                            There is still an intersection up ahead that we can't see until we are in it.  The bridge is on the other side of the intersection in the shaded area.  That's where Marvin was stabbed.  They stole his car and left him there alone in the dark to die.   
I'm going to walk down this hill, through the intersection and onto that bridge. 
I'm feeling God's presence so strongly with me.  
I'm going to lose my fear of this place TODAY!
finish my walk with me
                                                                                                                                                                                       Standing in the intersection and looking east.  Naw!  Don't think I would want to go that way.  Impassable right now due to all the recent rains. 
                                                                            Still in the intersection, looking up the hill west.  Doesn't look very promising that way either.  It's very desolate here.   No one can see me here.     My cell phone does not work here.  Oops - just realized that I didn't even bring it.    No one could even hear me scream.   Oh MY!  I just realized I didn't bring my pepper spray.  I wonder where it is.  I need to be more careful and bring it next time.  There are no homes ahead for over 3 mile and part of the road to them is impassable.

                                                                          Still heading north toward the bridge.  It's up toward the far edge of the shadow. 
                                                                            ON THE BRIDGE!   Looking down.  It's probably only ankle deep right now - but it flash floods during heavy rain storms and rages.    Right now it's babbling.  Love it.
                                                                           On the bridge looking south, back towards home - which, at the moment, feels miles away. 
At the edge of the shade a few yards from the bridge now.  Looking farther north - farther away from home.  On the edge of the shaded area is where Marvin was chased and stabbed.  He ran back as far as the bridge at which point Marvin said "There's a light, someone's coming".  The guy jumped in Marvin's car and took off.  Leaving him alone in the dark.  BTW - Marvin didn't see the light again.  Hmmmm!  Wonder who sent the light?  
 There's nothing up ahead for 3 miles. 
                                                                                                                                                                Oh Wait!  I was so busy concentrating on the frightening events here on the road that I forgot to look at the scenery.    Here's a beautiful field of milo.  It is just heading out.  In a few weeks those greenish funny looking heads will be a gorgeous rusty red.  What do we do with it?  We use it for feed for the cattle.  Some of it ends up in birdseed. 
                                                              Headed back to the bridge and home.  Look at the huge cottonwood tree that is hanging over the bridge.  The round leaves are fluttering in the breeze, brushing against each other and making a wondrous sound.  There's nothing like hearing the wind in the cottonwoods.  I'd forgotten that sound.  So peaceful and soothing.  I was so busy thinking about the events that happened in this spot that I did not even hear the sound until now. Did not notice or hear any of the beauty here.

Well I'll be.  I didn't see these Sand plums on my way to the bridge and beyond.  
Sand plums - ready to be picked and made into jam. 
This property owner should do something about this!! 
Oh wait!!   That would be ME.
OK!  'click',  I just did something.  I took this picture.  :-)
Oh . . there's a butterfly on one of the plums - a Great Spangled Fritillary
It's orange with black pattern on it's wings.  Haven't seen one for quite awhile.  
What a neat surprise
I can see it in this picture, but you probably can't. 
I know where it is, I know what I'm looking for.  
Wonder why?    
Headed back up the "Huge" hill toward home.  I know my family from NY & PA are laughing about this humongous hill.  OK - get out here and jog up that incline and tell me it's not a hill.                                  I've just passed the intersection.  1/2 mile from home. 
                                                              Almost to the top of this hill.  I haven't walked this far in years.  The trees at the end of the road ARE the end of the road.  It's almost 1 mile to those trees at this point. 
                                                    Wonder when Marvin bought these?   Hmmmmmm!  He could have hidden anything out here and I'd never have known.  Well - until today, that is. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Prairie Hay.   Lined up and awaiting it's fate - winter feed for the cattle  
                                                               Approaching the edge of the yard.  Maybe I'll take a short cut and take the driveway on this side of the yard.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Whoa!  On second thought, I don't think so.  Gotta give my guy a load of gravel for his birthday!!  This needs a LOT of help.  We have a big U shaped driveway - kind of.  This is the end that goes along the north side of the yard.  It goes back behind & around the house and then comes back down on the south side of the yard.   
                                                          Still on the road headed for the main driveway.  The house really is back there - somewhere. 
I'M HOME!  And I'm not even short of breath. 
Nothing even close to a panic attack or anxiety attack. 
 I'm feeling great!   It was Invigorating!
God helped me take one more step in my long journey. 

I really did feel like I had all of you with me.
There were so many unexpected sights and sounds -  
the sunflowers, elderberries, butterflies, milo,  
sand plums, the wind in the cottonwoods,
the water babbling under the bridge, and so much more. 
I didn't realize how much I've been missing all of this. 
I've got to get some binoculars for my next trip.
There were some birds that I couldn't identify
Thank you Jesus for walking beside me today.
For taking away my fear. 
It's been an awesome breath-taking day.

No comments:

Post a Comment